my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
