I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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