sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
