Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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