I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
MIDGETS
????
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
