My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
