I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I cockslap morals
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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