I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
