I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
