Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
