You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
