My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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