I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Randomize
