wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
