I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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