You're so nebulous sometimes
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
