i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
