I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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