Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
