38 yer olds are good kisserssss
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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