i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
