I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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