it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
