Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
