idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
