Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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