I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
