OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
