Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
