i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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