you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
