How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
