Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
