You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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