he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
