i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
