she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
