And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
