I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize