smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
