i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
