Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
