like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
