I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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