And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
