Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
