This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
