She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
