Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
