There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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