Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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