Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
