I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
