So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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