Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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