There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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