Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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