She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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