Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
