i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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