a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Couch. On fire.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
