Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize