Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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