God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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