I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
