she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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