drinking out of a sandbucket again
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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