I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
