Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
that is very illegal...i love you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
