Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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