i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am naked and annoyed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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