Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize