I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Are we still banned from the library?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize