there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
