hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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