Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
