His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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