Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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