I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
