If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I need water and some morals
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
