Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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