Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
