my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize