K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
