Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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