Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
40s are totally the cure
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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