Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
