My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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