totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
