Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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