the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
