I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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