apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
