Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
