i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
