Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
