They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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