really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize