Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
