and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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