STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
