U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
