dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
